beforesomeone who texted me goodbye and meant it

nowalive, two years later, telling her story to kids who needed to hear it

beforePanic attacks every morning before I'd even opened my eyes.

nowThey still come. They just don't run the place anymore.

beforeKnown by everyone online and unseen by anyone real. I could fill a room and still feel empty in it.

nowI have three friends who'd answer at 3am. I'd have traded a thousand followers for one of them.

beforeI was sure faith was for people who couldn't handle reality. I had all the arguments.

nowStill ask hard questions. Just not from the outside anymore.

beforeI chased a title for ten years and got it. Then I sat in the corner office and felt nothing.

nowSmaller paycheck. A life I'd actually choose again.

beforeI checked my phone 200 times a day waiting for a feeling that never came. Comparison was eating me alive.

nowI still have anxious days. I just don't hand them the steering wheel.

beforeI had the grades, the plan, the approval of everyone — and I was completely empty. I thought achievement would finally fill it.

nowLess impressive on paper. Unrecognizably better in the mirror. I sleep now.

beforea man everyone wrote off, including himself

nowthe reason a dozen of us didn't become the worst version of ourselves